indulgeAngel

indulged in dreams at 2:08 AM

11 person(s) commented while i sleep
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Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Once upon a time....

Haha...oh my goodness!!!! I was digging up some old documents today and I saw these....My primary school's report card. I've kinda forgotten that was how I looked like once upon a time, so I thought of sharing with you peoples.

Well, try to make a wild guess, which one would be me? The one on the left or the one on the right?

indulged in dreams at 1:40 AM

5 person(s) commented while i sleep
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Tuesday, January 22, 2008

How to fall asleep?

This matter has been bothering me since forever, insomnia...It seems like my life can't really get away from insomnia, I have tried in many ways, to fall asleep...

1. Work out till I drop
2. Drink hot milk before sleep
3. Sleeping pills (valium) it works but I stopped it cause it's damaging to my health
4. Meditate
5. Wake up early
6. Take Melatonin to sleep
7. Drink myself to sleep
8. Or....pretend to sleep...

Tranquilizing myself.....

It seems like most of the methods that I've tried are not really working for me...but tonight I guess I'm gonna try to drink myself to sleep again, with double dose of alcohol this time...

indulged in dreams at 3:50 AM

9 person(s) commented while i sleep
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Sunday, January 20, 2008

When Capricorn Falls In Love (I)

What would it be like, when you fall in love? Most people would just quickly dive into it and go with the flow; some would take a little longer to contemplate then join in later when they're sure of it; some would just sit back and watch. Which one are you?

For me, a 26-year-old Capricorn, I'd pretty much love to be one who just sits back and watch. Stay away from the risks - a typical Capricorn instinct. But the fact is, "what you'd love to be" and "what you really are", are two different and opposing entities, often paradoxical. Humiliating? Not yet, more humiliatingly, I can't really think and behave like a Capricorn most of the time. The Gemini in me is so egoistical and ready to take over now.

To be frank, I am very afraid to fall in love. Anyway, it's not easy for me to fall for someone and it's getting even harder now. Is it a god sign or bad sign? I wonder...

Falling in love is never a game for me, and for that, I don't give up easily. I often see couples breaking up and getting back like a routine. It looks funny to me as I can never understand the way they handle a relationship. As if the words "break-up" has become the weapon every time when arguments occur. It's not surprising to see them back together and as sweet as ever on the same night when they have actually broken up in the morning. But I guess everyone has their very own style in taking care of their relationship.

Say it and mean it. That's my principle for life. Break up means give up to me. Through experiences, I've came to learn not to mention the words "BREAK UP" unless you really mean it. Once mentioned there's no turning back. I always believe it needs both parties to give in to work things out, and to strike a balance. It will be pathetic when one constantly has the idea of giving up while the other one is always trying to give in more and more in order to patch things up. The ending is pretty obvious here and I guess I don't need to be long winded telling you what's the outcome of it.

I can become the stupidest person alive when I really fall hard for someone, and therefore, I am very afraid to do so. Just like anybody else, or rather, any other girl, "Happily-ever-after" is the most ideal thing to happen in life. But my Capricorn instinct keeps telling me not to be a fool as Happily-ever-after only happens in fairy tales. So what happened to the good old fashion kinda boy meets girl love?

Capricorn says, "Don't fall into it!"
Gemini says, "You wouldn't know if you never try...."

indulged in dreams at 12:19 PM

7 person(s) commented while i sleep
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Saturday, January 19, 2008

I hate Shanghai!!!

I hate it!!! I hate it!!! I hate it!!! I hate it!!! I hate it!!!
Yes I know how nice, how beautiful it is in Shanghai...but I just hate it!!!!!

Beautiful Shanghai, but I hate you!!!

indulged in dreams at 3:29 AM

0 person(s) commented while i sleep
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Tuesday, January 15, 2008

First Love

I wonder why, "First Love" is always the purest, most pleasurable and amazing experience when it appears on movies and novels, and even songs. Every time when anyone talks about 1st love, I wonder if I have missed something in my 1st relationship......

First love, was it supposed to be dreamy?

To be frank, it was ehem.....not so "interesting" though. I don't remember any sparks or fireworks within. In fact, there is nothing worth mentioning about from that relationship apart from his family that treated me so well. I'm deeply touched that they've made me part of their family and even till now, the warmth that I felt still remains.

My "1st love", it lasted for around 3 years, I can't remember exactly how long it lasted. I ended it right upon my graduation from my 1st college for my Diploma In Computing & IT. He was a great guy, he treated me well. But I chose to call it off, it was hurtful but I know it was the right thing to do.

I still remember, the day when his mother and his youngest sister found out that we've broken up, they've cried. I couldn't help myself to cry too, cause I know they've already taken me in as part of their family, and my decision screwed up everything. But I know, that's the right thing to do.

I met him when I was 18. It was weird that I've kinda predicted and told myself that this relationship ain't gonna last, from the 1st day I met him. It was my Capricorn instinct I guess. I was rushing into a relationship, without thinking much. Naive, wasn't it? I'm not even sure if I have really loved him before, or maybe I should just call it my "puppy love". But I'm wondering if I can still call a 3-year-relationship a "PUPPY LOVE" at the age of 18, can I?

Tis relationship was kinda like a barter trade or guid pro gou for me, we exchanged what we needed and meanwhile enjoyed each other's companionship. In that 3 years, I've turned a rebellious, naive young guy into a good son, good brother and even more, a better person. (not trying to praise myself here, lol) From a teenager who doesn't care about his studies, to someone who've learned to take on responsibilities in course's projects and assignments. From a guy who loves to race and speed and fight in late nights, to a guy who goes home everyday after college to be with the family. I'd like to believe that was the reason why his family loved me so much. In return, I got my transportation, food and sometimes even accommodation, all taken care of.

So, how did it ended? Why did I end it? I don't really know the exact answer to that, it wasn't easy to let go but I knew I just had to do it. I believe that's what you call "The Turning Point". My mother screwed me up like mad cause she'd pretty much hoped that he could become her son in law. Well, it's a little too early to talk about marriage, mother. My ideal marriage age is 25, well I guess it's not happening as I'm already 26.

He went out with one of my ex-college mate after that, and picked up smoking again. I know even better, that I've really made a right choice to leave him, I felt happy to see him in love again. I was just disappointed for all the efforts that I've taken to stop him from smoking, I can't remember how much tears I've shed for that, it could be a couple of pails....sigh there goes my precious tears....At least I've learned something, that I shall not change anyone, take it the way they are, or leave it.

So, ehem...Firts Love huh? What should I say more? I just realized that I don't even have a picture of him....Oh yes, you can call me heartless, now that you've found out how evil I am....

indulged in dreams at 7:54 PM

7 person(s) commented while i sleep
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Sunday, January 13, 2008

Doll...

It has been 3 days now, I can't really talk, I can't smile....
And the "best" thing is, I don't have any expression on my face, anymore.

I always used to imagine myself turning into a Barbie Doll someday, so that I don't feel a single emotions, I don't need to show any expression on my face and nobody will knows what am I thinking. All you can see is the same face with the same expression on me, calm, or rather, cold.

Now that I have finally lost my expressions on my face, I'm partially turning into a Barbie but the only thing different is, I still have feelings... It made things harder for me as it has become more complex than just being a doll. The pain on my gum is still hurting me, it's alright I can still take it. Feeling all the emotions inside of me while presenting an emotionless expression on my face, makes me feel like as if I'm wearing a mask, hiding myself away from others......

indulged in dreams at 3:04 PM

2 person(s) commented while i sleep
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Thursday, January 03, 2008

happy birthday to.........me...

Alright alright people, it's official now, I've turned 26.

happy birthday to......me!!!!

Thanks a million to those who wished me last night and I'm sorry that I was kinda wasted to reply you....

indulged in dreams at 2:48 PM

0 person(s) commented while i sleep
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Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Tomorrow please don't come....

Oh my god, how I wish I could freeze the time now till I figure it out. Tomorrow please don't come so fast...Hang on!!! I'm not ready yet!!!!

Will you ever hear me, god?

indulged in dreams at 1:40 PM

0 person(s) commented while i sleep
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Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Unready Farewell

Sorry, I've totally forgotten.....to say "Goodbye" to 2007....
I also forgotten, to buy myself a last cup of Baskin Robin for year 2007...
2008, you've came too fast, I'm kinda of not ready yet, but nevertheless, WELCOME!!!

One of my fave pic taken on new year eve 2007, in Poppy Garden.

Last night was crazy, it was totally a bad idea to work. (Well, basically I'll need to work when everyone's having holiday) Stuck in the crowd like Sardin I almost passed out. I couldn't remember anything except for the crazy peoples, the gross sweaty arms around me, and the stuffy air. It was almost impossible even to make a small step forward.

But it was kinda entertaining to watch how the peoples gone wild and crazy. Serious office ladies dancing on the tables; old uncles shaking off their butt as if they're still eighteens; sixteens dressing up like twenty-six; eighty dressing up like eighteen.... You can almost see all kinda peoples here. In fact I've already seen these for thousands times but I just couldn't help it to look at them and being amused.

1205 am, 1/1/2008
On our way rushing back to the car (couldn't stand the crowd anymore), the fireworks started. It was so incredible we had to stay for it. I always have this 'Fantasy' for fireworks, it gave me lotsa dreams....I really wanted to share with you the clip my supervisor recorded with his phone but the file was too big to be uploaded...

1230 am, 1/1/2008
Got in the car and prepared to move out of The Curve...it was a crazy long que the cars weren't moving. It took us about 2 hours just to get out to the main road. It almost bored me to death sitting in the car that we have to crack out stupid jokes and games to entertain each other...

Me with the silly looking glass

My Supervisor of the year, Uncle Choong.... We were playing "Traveling-Outa-Space-Game" in the car while stuck in the jam.

indulged in dreams at 2:36 PM

2 person(s) commented while i sleep
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