indulgeAngel

Sunday, September 30, 2007

This coming Monday i'll be having my 1st paper for this semester. I only have 2 days to prepare for it...well practically, i only have one day to study now. It's 5am in the morning, I think I must be crazy still blogging at this time, I couldn't help it when I realized it's been ages since my last post. See I've told you guys I'm a very lazy writer and I've proved it now. LOLZ...

Well, as a Capricorn, it's funny that I'm not being a practical intelligent person. It will always some barriers stopping me from doing early revision, ever since my dad passed away. I'm not taking that as an excuse but I really don't understand why ever since he left us, though I wasn't closed to him at all, it somehow made an impact to my "Ordinary Life". I just lost my interest of being organized and systematic, or should I say I don't know how to be organized and systematic ANYMORE?

Discipline is what I lack of now, I'm learning to get it back..... but I enjoy chaos and spontaneous. It's crazy but i couldn't help it to link discipline to my dad... What would it be if dad is still alive? Will you still see the same Alexandra that you're seeing now? Most likely not. You probably will not even know me, as I presumed that I'll most likely became some kinda nerdy auntie doing boring 9 to 5 office job. Oh my god that's scary...

Imagine this probably will be the Alexandra you see, or worse than this...

Dawn is approaching I better hit the sack.

Labels: My crazy thoughts..., The capricorn girl

indulged in dreams at 5:03 AM

2 person(s) commented while i sleep
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Saturday, August 25, 2007

Who am i?

Two weeks ago, we were given a new assignment for our Presentation Skill class. The title is "My Mirror Image VS My Public Image"....

What a damn assignment! It has been years I was trying to find out about myself and I still looking forward to know the answer, now that the lecturer wants me to tell the whole class who am I and what makes me the person I am today. Everyone else got kinda excited but I was stone for a few minutes, should I just make up a story or take this assignments seriously and find out about my true self?

Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? I kept asking myself....

After a week of 'investigations', i only managed to come up with one word, "INDESCRIBABLE". If it is so easy to find out who I really am, then I don't need to spend so many years wondering about it. So I gave up and start making up stories about myself, the progress was fun but I somehow felt kinda weird.

We were required to put up our own photos in the presentation. Looking at the photos and trying to come up with words to describe myself, I felt like as if I was trying to tell a story about this girl called Alexandra, who I don't really know much about. Out of sudden, the person inside the photos looks so strange to me. Alexandra somehow just become a girl that only has the exactly same face as mine, I barely know her and we are two different entities...

Maybe she is Alex, and I am Andra, or the other way round?
Alex+Andra=Alexandra? (LOL)

Am i her? Is she me?
Confusing yet interesting...

Is this Alex or Andra?

How about her?

Labels: The capricorn girl

indulged in dreams at 1:30 AM

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Saturday, July 07, 2007

The Capricorn Girl: II

Sometimes when i look back to my life and things that i've gone through, it reminds me that those every little things in the past actually made me the person i am today. I am 25 if you're wondering how old am i. Well 25 years is not a very long period but it ain't short in the other hand. Everything seems to be getting more and more complicated now and i guess i've lost part of myself along the journey. I believe this is going to be a turning point in my life.

I'm amazed by my mother, who aged 57 this year, who never failed to hold on to her very own believes and beauties that lies inside of her. 25 years compare to 57 years.....she's still remain unchanged and i've changed a lot. I wonder if the world back then was very much less complex than what it is today, sometimes it makes me feel that i've seen more than her. I hope not...

If you ask me what kinda person i am now, i probably won't be able to answer it as firm as how i used to answer few years back. Most likely i won't be able to answer at all. Don't try to judge me cause you won't be able to find out. If you think that you've found out, please let me know i'll be thankful.

Am i still the same person as who i used to be? I'm not sure. Probably not. And i'm not afraid to tell you that i've become pretty much evil now. If you knew me then, i'll be greatful if you think i'm still the same, and hope that i won't scare you away if i'm not.

I constantly trying to look at things in a more simple way, somehow my brain always function contrary from my will. I'm contradicting myself most of the time, it makes me feel like i'm going crazy. Angel and devil, which one would you prefer? Devil seems to be more interesting and fun, but nevertheless i still wanna be an angel....

What say you?......

Labels: The capricorn girl

indulged in dreams at 3:27 PM

8 person(s) commented while i sleep
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Tuesday, July 03, 2007

The little me...

For as far as i can remember, i was borned to be a natural capricorn. And i don't have any clue where does all those ego came from, i just know that it has always been there. I was way too independent for being a kid...i somehow feel quite sorry for myself for being so understanding and behaved too well ;P

I've already learned simple mathematics like 1+2=3 or 2-1=1 even before i attend to kindergarten; i started to sing ( songs that i learned from radio ) even before i can speak clearly, and obviously i didn't understand what was i singing....

My 1st conversation with my 1st classmate (kindergarten), a boy who was sitting next to me named 'Kang Yi Kan'. I find it funny for remembering a person's name for such a long period even we didn't see each other after that. He started the conversation...

KYK : That's my daddy and mummy over there
(pointed at the window near the classroom)
Me: ........(showing off la you!)
KYK : Where is your daddy mummy?
Me: They're not here....
KYK: Huh??? (shocked at 1st) .....oh...(answered reluctantly)
Me: He left me at the gate....
KYK: (another shocking look...and speechless)

After that, I was SO VERY regret that i didn't cry and roll on the floor when my dad 1st put me down at the gate and asked me to look for my own class by myself. The rest of the kids left once the class ended as their parents were there 'companying' them. I ended up waiting alone by the gate for 20 minutes++, for my dearest daddy.....thanks for the 'reward' for being so well-behaved and understanding...(ish!!!)

Labels: The capricorn girl

indulged in dreams at 12:37 AM

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Saturday, June 30, 2007

The Capricorn girl....

I'm an ordinary girl, who constantly trying in many ways, to find out the 'true me' that's living inside of me. Yes that sounds very confusing, and yes i know it sounds very complicated, too.

I live with a single parent, and i'm truely happy that i have her in my life. She's the most important person for me, my lovely mum. Sometimes when i stay up alone at night, alone in my bed, i'll think of her and all that she has gone through, it makes me want to be a better person, a stronger person. I can't imagine what my life would be without her. I often feel the guilt that i have not been a good girl all these while, sorry mama, i guess that was just me trying too hard to live my own life. But i assure you that i'll always be safe and sound, and take good care of you from now onwards.

I'm a capricorn, i had been a very typical capricorn. I used to live a systematic life and things were well organized back then. As i grew older, i realised that the capricorn inside me seems to be very much faded. I'm more like a gemini now. I'll tell you more later....

Labels: The capricorn girl

indulged in dreams at 7:18 PM

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